Some information about sex.
What is Sex?
Did you know?
Sex is a big issue- no ifs and buts about it.
We hear conflicting messages from almost everyone. Some religions ask that you
wait until marriage, media often exploits sex in advertising, and since when
have you seen a celebrity or a soap star wait until marriage to have sex?
Sex is a complicated issue, and this website is designed to help you find the answers and information you need to make an informed decision, but first you need to know:
Just because you may want to have sex eventually doesn't
mean you're ready right now to take that big step.
The decision to have sex, or to have sex with a particular person, is a choice
that is different for everyone.
Pressure to have sex, and pressure to wait, comes from everywhere.
How you were brought up, your religious beliefs, peer pressure, what your
friends or people your age are doing, and your previous relationship and/or
sexual experiences, can all be things you have to consider.
The most important things to consider are your feelings and all the consequences
of sex before you take that plunge.
Pregnancy and diseases are two very serious consequences of being sexually
active.
It's very important to use condoms, dental dams, even latex gloves, etc. to
protect you and your partner from disease.
Even if you think you're both "clean", there are lots of
STIs (sexually transmitted infections) that don't show symptoms, and you may not
even know you have one - so don't rely on how well you and your partner know
each other!
As for (preventing) pregnancy, there are lots of options. See the section on contraception for more information.
Sexual health is a huge part of your overall well-being.
Now that you have made your decision, it's time to make sure that you and
your partner are on the same page.
Communication is very important in relationships, and in sex.
You need to make sure that you and your partner are
comfortable with your choices, and that you know what both of you are
comfortable doing.
It takes a lot of courage to stand up for what you believe in. Just because your partner isn't ready to have sex doesn't mean that he or she does not care about you. Give him or her, and yourself, credit for the strength needed to make, and to stand behind, that decision and respect those feelings.
Lines like these aren't fair to anyone:
"You would if you loved me"
"Everybody's doing it"
"Come on, it'll feel good"
"I know you want it…stop teasing me"
Sexual coercion (or encouraging/manipulating/convincing someone to have sex
when they don't want to) is a serious issue with dangerous consequences.
Forcing someone to have sex with you when they've said no
is a crime.
A person's body is their own territory, for them to treat as they see fit.
Understanding Your Sexuality
Your body is forever changing, but during your adolescent years, the changes
can be odd, extreme, painful and bizarre!
Most of you have probably had "The Sex Talk" with your
parents, but it doesn't always answer all your questions, and, face it, it
can be really embarrassing to ask your parents about
sex!
You've probably been told that sex is a sacred thing between two people who love each other very much and/or who are married. And yet, you see people on TV and in movies who just seem to do it because the opportunity is there- it looks erotic and dangerous, they use sex for revenge, as a way to gain control over people, and, oddly enough, to sell soft drinks and soap!
Wet Dreams: Sexy dreams can cause a guy to have an erection and ejaculate during his sleep. When he wakes up, he's wet - this is a wet dream. The same occurs in girls, but the amount of moisture they produce is much less, and therefore it's not as noticeable.
Fantasies: Fantasies are a safe way of exploring your sexual desires. Fantasies can help you to safely learn more about yourself and your romantic feelings, without having to act on them. They help you determine your sexual turn-ons and your feelings about various actions. You actually learn a lot from fantasies - how you want to act, and how you don't want to act. Your fantasies can set the stage for real-life situations, and prepare you to act in a way that is true to yourself. They allow you to imagine having sex…without the real-life consequences.
In some cases, your fantasies may become a big part of your day…and you spend more time in your head than on earth. Or, your fantasies become so life-like, that you find it hard to hold back from trying them out in real life. In these situations, it may help to talk to someone you trust…an objective ear who will help you sort out your feelings.
The bottom line is this; your body is growing at such a fast pace, and your mind is racing a mile a minute. So, do what you need in order to satisfy your emerging questions. Read books, fantasize, and ask a trusted friend lots of questions. You can also talk to your doctor, a school nurse, a pharmacists - remember, whatever you talk about with your health care provider is confidential (unless, of course, you have broken a law). Just remember that all of this will help you grow as a healthy, sexual being!
Sexual abuse in childhood and adolescence can result in sexual difficulties, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem later in life. These problems are even more evident in children or teens who are abused by a family member, when the abuse is frequent or spread out over a long period of time, and when the activity involves penetration. Sexual abuse can make a teen feel alone, worthless and scared. Many cases are never reported, particularly those that involve a family member.
Talk to someone you trust, like your school's guidance counselor. Together, you can find a way to feel safe and be happy. Your body belongs to YOU, and no one else should be allowed to have control over it.
Sexual Assault
Both guys and girls can be victims of sexual assault, including rape. Emotional reactions may be severe, and many people who have been assaulted continue to experience fear, anxiety and sexual difficulties in the future.
Statistics Canada reported in 1994 that "date rape" is much more frequent than sexual assault by a stranger.
Make sure that you always feel in control of a situation, and if you don't, GET OUT. You don't have to go drink at that college party, and you don't have to go park with your boyfriend.
Choose environments that make you feel comfortable, and where there are lots of people around. You'll feel better and, chances are, you'll have a great opportunity to talk and get to know each other.
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Sexual assault is any sexual activity without consent, and it is against the law. Sexual violence is not about sex: it is about power. It is most often an issue of men exerting power over women. Although it occurs less often, boys and men are also victims of sexual violence, and girls are capable of pressuring boys in dating relationships. |
If someone tells you that they have been abused or sexually assaulted
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Listen. |
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Thank her/him for confiding in you, and acknowledge how hard it must be to talk about the abuse. |
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Tell her/him you believe what was just said. It is important for someone who has been abused or sexually assaulted to have people believe what has happened. Most people do not lie about being abused or assaulted. |
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Support her/his feelings by saying things like: "It sounds like it was really scary" or "I understand why you feel so terrible." |
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Tell her/him that it wasn't her/his fault. The only person to blame is the offender. |
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Inform her/him of your legal obligation to report (see below). |
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Refer her/him to services in your community (e.g. sexual assault centre). |
If you know or suspect that someone under 16 is being, or is likely to be, neglected or emotionally, physically, or sexually abused, you have a legal obligation to report it to the Ministry of Children and Families or Child Protection Office in your province.
If someone tells you that she/he has been acting in a way that you think is abusive:
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Listen. |
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Support change in the behaviour. |
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Speak out and address abusive comments. |
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Help her/him understand that she/he is the only one responsible for the violence, even if her/his partner is responsible for other problems in the relationship. Violence is a learned behaviour and can be unlearned. |
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Encourage him/her to seek help in a counseling program. The violence will not stop on its own. |
Sexual Assault: The Law
Level 1 - Sexual Assault
It is a crime if someone forces any form of sexual activity on someone else
(e.g. kissing, fondling, touching, sexual intercourse, etc.) without that
person's consent.
Level 2 - Sexual Assault with a Weapon
It is a crime if, during a sexual assault
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the attacker either uses a weapon or threatens to use a weapon (imitation or real) |
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the attacker causes bodily harm to the victim |
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the attacker threatens to harm a person other than the victim |
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more than one person assaults the victim in the same incident |
Level 3 - Aggravated Sexual Assault
It is a crime if, while committing a sexual assault, the attacker
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wounds, maims, disfigures, or brutally beats the victim |
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endangers the life of the victim. |
Sexual Interference (against children under 14)
It is a crime if someone, for a sexual purpose, touches any part of the body of
a child (under the age of 14).
Invitation to Sexual Touching (against children under 14)
It is a crime if someone, for a sexual purpose, encourages a child to touch them with any part of the child's body or with an object.
Invitation to Sexual Touching (against children 14-17)
It is a crime if someone who is in a position of trust or authority towards a
young person (someone between the ages of 14 and 17) or a person with whom the
young person is in a relationship of dependency (guardian, foster-parent,
parent) commits the offence of "sexual interference" or "invitation to sexual
touching" described above.
Incest
It is a crime if a blood relation has sexual intercourse with another blood
relation (e.g. parent, brother, half-brother, sister, grandparent, etc.).
Exposure
It is a crime if someone, for a sexual purpose, exposes his or her genitals to a
person who is under the age of 14. (If this happens to someone over the age of
14, it is only against the law if it happens in a public place.)
Offence in Relation to Juvenile Prostitution
It is a crime if someone buys or attempts to buy the sexual services of a person
who is under the age of 18.
Sources
When the time is right for you, you may think about having a baby. It may happen when you're 18, 28, or even 38. Your baby will bring unimaginable joys to your life, and much else too, like sleepless nights, screaming and dirty diapers! Pregnancy should happen when you are ready. For now, it is important to avoid an unplanned pregnancy and so you need to use contraception, and you need to use it all the time until you make a conscious decision to have a baby.
Sex is such an amazing experience, that the last thing you want in the back of your head is, "oh God, what will I do if we get pregnant." That's right… "we," because using contraception is a shared responsibility between a couple, and looking at the stats, it seems like more people need to think about contraception. In 1998, the Canadian Contraception Study found that only 60% of 15-17 year-olds always used a method of contraception. Scary…but it only takes one "oops" to get pregnant.
So, make sure you find a contraception method that works best for you and your partner.
There are also other alternative methods of contraception that may be a better fit for you. Once you've found which contraception you both like best, make sure you use it on a regular basis and don't forget the use of condoms to protect from sexually transmitted infections.
The best way to protect yourself from pregnancy and from sexually transmitted infections (that you or your partner may not know you have) is to use a dual method of protection…that means using a male or female condom along with another method of contraception.
If you hear one more person telling you to practice safe sex, you think you're going to scream! It's frustrating, but true. Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) happen through unprotected sexual contact. In order to fully understand these "bugs" and protect yourself from these infections, the first step is to learn about the different types of STIs, their symptoms, causes and what to do if you catch one.
Your sexual orientation is a reflection of your sexual and emotional feelings toward people of the same or opposite gender. Although some people know early on that they are homosexual, others go through a confusing period in which they wonder: Am I different? Could I be gay? Are my feelings just a passing phase?
The answer is: there is no single answer. Your unique sexual orientation will emerge over time, much as a Polaroid photograph slowly comes into focus as you expose it to light. You need not label yourself as gay just because you've had homosexual feelings or actual encounters. Such experiences are very common among young people. On the other hand, you may discover in time that you're only drawn to people of your gender. Another possibility is that you have the capacity to relate sexually to both guys and girls - that you're bisexual.
Right now your best course of action is to explore and experience your sexual feelings with an open mind. If it turns out you are gay, you may face some unique challenges but you'll also get a lot of support along the way. In today's world, homosexuals have more social freedom and legal protection than ever before.
You may have wondered what causes homosexuality. Researchers used to believe that homosexuality stemmed from improper parenting, but this theory is now known to be false. As best we know, what "causes" homosexuality is the same as what causes heterosexuality: the roll of the biological dice. Today, the great majority of sex researchers and doctors view homosexuality not as a sexual problem but as a normal sexual variant, much as sea-green is a normal (if fairly unusual) eye colour.
What all this means is that you are no more responsible for your homosexuality than heterosexual people are responsible for their heterosexuality. It is not a "lifestyle" you choose for yourself as much as a condition you discover in yourself. Which is not to say it's an easy discovery. Even if you recognize that homosexuality is not a disorder or flaw, you may fear that your family and friends won't accept you if you come out to them.
Sexual health education doesn't have to be all about textbooks. It can be fun, interactive and meaningful all at the same time! Take this section, for example. We've provided you with a cool "check-list" to determine which method of contraception is perfect for you, and added awesome quizzes that talk about sex and Sexually Transmitted Infections! Tackle the quizzes on your own, or complete them with a friend. The more informed you and your friends are, the healthier and happier you'll all be! So come on…time to test what you know!
Thanks